Here is a model composition suitable for Primary 5 & 6 - "A celebration gone wrong." Below you will find an essay (DRAFT 2) written by one of our students. Our students go through multiple drafts. What you will find in this blogpost is the improved final draft of the composition. Model composition:A celebration gone wrong
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Model composition for primary 5: A celebration gone wrong
Student: Jadon Chor, P5 (Improved version)
Pictures given: Firecracker
Model composition for primary 5: A celebration gone wrong
Week 13 Rewrite
I collapsed on the ground, choking. The smoke was a solid wall in front of me. My grandparents’ house was on fire. Just thirty minutes ago, everything was normal.
It was Chinese New Year, and my parents took me and my brother to Malaysia to visit my grandparents. When I entered my grandparents’ house, the aroma of freshly baked goodies teased my nose. The entire house was filled with a cherry-red vibe of festivity. Decorations of bright colours adorned every wall of the house.My parents left some firecrackers on the table and went to buy some things with my grandparents. Before they left, they reminded us not to play with the firecrackers until they came back. I kept trying not to play with the firecrackers.
After an hour, I finally gave in to temptation. I went to the backyard and lit the firecrackers.Fiery red embers shot out and fell on my bare skin. A wall of flames shot out and engulfed me. I gasped and inhaled a river of agony into my chest. Not long after that, my grandparents’ house caught fire. The neighbours saw and called the firefighters and ambulance.
The urgent sirens of the ambulance and fire trucks drowned out the festive music.The firefighters quickly put out the fire, and the ambulance took me and my brother to the nearby hospital. When my parents found out, they rushed to the nearby hospital. This celebration that went wrong will forever be etched in my mind.
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